so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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