dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
