i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
