i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
