why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
