I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
