its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
