Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
its liver damage thursday
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