you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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