He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
