sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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