why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
