You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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