PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm passing your future prison.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
