planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
