I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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