I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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