I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
