nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
