Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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