upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I cut my penus on the lid.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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