I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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