just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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