She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
