oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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