You just made me feel so damn special
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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