Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
