The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
