we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
as a side note pls kill me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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