I hope mine doesn't look like that
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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