I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
