I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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