I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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