I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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