you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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