We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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