So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
