so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
