These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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