so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have aggressive nipples.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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