I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's shark week go big or go home
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
