I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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