Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
