i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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