puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
