HIV tests are more positive than that guy
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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