Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
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