I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
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She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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