yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
