i just wanna soil my oats bro
Plan B is the new Plan A
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
