my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
