Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
