if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
