He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
