I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
did you just send me my own nude
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
