I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
