I think I died a long time ago.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
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But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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