Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
