If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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