I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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