in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Still dying that you shit outside
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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