Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
