I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Oh god it's open bar.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
