Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
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I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
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I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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