i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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